How We Seniors Can Be More Fruitful with the Younger Generation

 One of the privileges and blessings Anne and I have is that of worshipping and serving with our children and spouses as well as a number of other precious young adult singles, young couples and young families at our local fellowship called The Well Los Osos.

For a while but slowing down about a year or more ago, most of the newcomers joining with us at The Well were younger singles, couples and young families. But then out of nowhere the trend changed to senior after senior (mostly couples but some singles) joining with us. As I observed this, first I was surprised. But then I realized God was up to something.  God saw that the younger generation – as sincere and zealous as they were – needed mentoring and support and encouragement and lots of intercession, etc., from the older guard. Some of these younger folk come from Christian homes wherein they find some support and encouragement. Many of them do not.

As our King Jesus builds His kingdom on the earth, He is very much after multi generational body life. He has uniquely called and gifted many young men, young couples and families to do the greater works He spoke of in John 14:12. But for them to survive the warfare, not to mention to get healed and cleaned up from all the corruption and defilement of/from their own personal sins and those they grew up with, they are going to have to find older singles and couples who can love and pray them to health and wholeness in Christ and in the Holy Spirit. Ideally they would all have godly, Spirit filled and Spirit led parents in their corner for such. The reality again is most do not.

This is the way it was always meant to be – that is the older generation in Israel and in the church loving on and supporting the younger generation. And our experience is they long for this and eat it up when they get it - if it is dished out in the Lord and in His way.

So I would like to share a few thoughts for those of us in the older generation who long to be more useful and effective with the younger generation. These principles will also apply with relating to our adult children. And please know none of us have arrived, and most of us are very aware of our shortcomings in this regard.

I think an appropriate place to start Biblically is with Paul’s instruction to the church in Philippi. After seeking to establish them in a gospel centered lifestyle and mentality in chapter 1, in chapter two Paul is ready to help them pursue the oneness in Christ that will help them accomplish their mission. What is crucial to see here is that oneness in Christ can only be experienced by absolute dependence upon the resources of Christ, which thankfully are abundant. “Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.”  Vs. 1,2 

Oneness in Christ is our inheritance – even the older with the younger - as we learn to rely on the resources of Christ. The “if’s” in this first verse could be translated "since". The truth is if or since we are in Christ we do have an ever flowing well of encouragement, consolation of love, fellowship of the Spirit, and affection and compassion available to us as we learn to abide in Christ and walk by the Spirit.

So practically – how can I as an older/senior parent or spiritual mother/father or spiritual mentor in the church be more effective and fruitful in relating to my adult children or the younger generation in the church?

Well vs. 3 & 4 answers that question: “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”

When you or I sit down with someone in the younger generation the worst thing we can do is show up self focused and self consumed. The best thing we can do is show up fully centered in Christ, humble and broken. Anything we do or say from selfishness or pride or self love or unrighteousness judgment will have a negative effect. It will close rather than open doors to the hearts of the younger generation. They smell selfishness and pride and conceit a mile away.  Even though  they may be walking in it themselves, they are repelled by it in us and rightfully so.

Humility on the other hand opens doors because the younger generation will know and sense we truly care about them. Literally vs. 3b should be translated “deem others as better than yourself”. Only a humble person can do that. A humble person from the heart looks up at a younger person (whether their adult child or someone in the church) rather than looking down on them. This doesn’t mean we ignore their sins and faults. It just means we never lose sight of our own, which are probably worse and span many more years.

Getting even more practical Paul goes on to say we are to actively inquire about and care about and pray about “…the interests of others.” Because of our daily pursuit of Christ and finding our needs met in Him, we are to leave our interests and concerns and worries with Him - - thus allowing us to be totally focused on the interests, concerns, worries and challenges of the younger person or couple we are ministering to.

King Solomon said in Proverbs 18:2, “A fool does not delight in understanding, But only in revealing his own mind (lit. heart).”  The flip side of that is a righteous mature person does delight in doing the work that produces or brings forth understanding – never needing to reveal or unload what is going on in our minds and hearts because our cup is full and we know Christ has our back. And if we are a married wife we know our husbands are also in our corner. That work mentioned above is primarily asking appropriate questions and listening out of genuine love and concern and holding back quick solutions and answers that they are not necessarily looking for from us at that moment.

King Solomon speaks more specifically to that relational work in Proverbs 20:5 “A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water, But a man of understanding draws it out.”  Every young man and woman has things in their heart that they need help sorting through. The Holy Spirit wants to teach we older folk how to be His instrument to draw these things out of their hearts and into the Light.

Anne and I have found that often food – whether served in our home or out in a restaurant or coffee shop goes a long way towards building an environment conducive to self disclosure and heart to heart sharing. This will require teamwork in the home (e.g. preparing, cooking and cleaning up afterwards) and if eating out it will require a willingness to spend the money necessary to find that right environment. Tis why hospitality is so often commanded in the New Testament (e.g. I Peter 4:9).

BTW senior husbands -  if we want our wives to be more effective and fruitful with the younger generation and more willing to lay their lives down for them, we can play a significant role in that by making sure our wives’ cups are full. One reason senior women sometimes are not able to effectively minister to the younger generation is because their husbands are not loving them as Christ loves the church. When we pursue our wives, pray with them regularly, and consistently  “nourish and cherish”  them, their cups are much more full and thus they are much more able to give to others.

Finally, the greatest contribution any of us will most likely make to/for our children and the younger generation in our churches and communities is that of intercession. Paul knowing this exhorted (after his discussion about the reality of spiritual warfare and the necessity of spiritual armor and weapons in Eph. 6:10-17) that we make intercession for the saints an ever greater priority:  “With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints.”  Ephesians 6:18. Younger singles and couples are fighting many battles these days. They will be eternally grateful for those who are willing to take the time to stand in the gap for them. Assuring them that we will pray for them and following through with it

Father, for all of us older folk in the body of Christ, please give us Your heart and mind towards the younger generation – wherever we might encounter them. Show us how to relate to them in such a way by Your Spirit that we can be Your instruments in their lives. Teach us how to pray for them and how to come alongside them in humility and genuine interest and concern for Your glory in Jesus’s name. Amen.

Father, for any seniors reading this who are estranged from their adult children, please give them hope for restoration. Help them in the meantime by Your grace and Your precious blood and by Your Spirit to allow You to do a deeper sweeter work of transformation in their lives. Soften their adult children's heart Father. Do what only You can do to bring about the generational oneness You designed from the beginning in Jesus's name, Amen.